In the real world today, as I see it, there are two different types of relationships. The first of course is the one most would recognize and think they have. The second one not only is the oldest but most frowned upon by todays social standards.
Most commonly recognized and socially accepted today is the relationship where both partners share equally in the responsibilities of the relationship. This ‘vanilla’ type relationship most likely will have both patners working jobs outside the home and sharing in all of the day to day decisions that affect the union. It is even possible only one works outside the home while the other is a stay at home parent.
Secondly there is the “D/s” or “tradional” lifestyle. In this type of relationship one partner has more control over the day to day decisions that affect the security and tranquility of the relationship. It is possible but not necessary that one of the partners may be a stay at home parent if there are children in the family. There aren’t any guidelines that specify which partner, the female or male, might take on the role of dominant or submissive.
Although today’s society has conditioned us to believe that a ‘vanilla’ relationship is a healthier realtionship than a dominant/submissive one, there are literally hundreds of thousands of people that would disagree with this concept. I live in a dominant/submissive lifestyle with my husband of many years and I believe our relationship is equally as strong if not stronger than the best marriage of 50 years. Many of my friends frowned on our choice of roles in the relationship when they first met us, only to accept and agree in most cases that the definitive seperation of roles in our relationship not only have strengthened our lives but they are in most cases almost envious of the security and happiness we both share.
If you give it some thought, you might realize that up until the mid 20th century, traditional lifestyles were the norm. Children were taught the meaning of honesty and respect, divorce rates were much lower than today. Even religion was considered a central part of the families core values. Consider biblical times. Men and women had very distinctive and seperate roles in their relationships. The women wer usually relegated to a subordinated position within the relationship but relationships were stronger, more secure and happier than today’s relationships. Makes you wonder if we have made things better or worse for the core family.
Contradictory to the past, people today try to share equally in the roles and responsibilities of relationships. They want to be the bread winners, child rearers, chief cook and bottle washer. I must ask this however; given the highest crime rate in all of history, the lack of respect and honesty from our children, kids killing other kids, kids killing their parents… have we done society a favor by trying to spread ourselves so thin in our responsibilities that we have failed? Many if not most of you will probably think I’m completely nuts for having this opionion but you must agree my arguments make you think?
The funniest thing about today’s relationships is that many if not most relationships mirror the ‘old fashion’ relationships where there is an unspoken seperation of responsibilities. These people that live in these relationship are, I believe afraid if not almost embarassed to admit their comfort with living a traditional lifestyle. They find it easier to put on a facade for outsiders to avoid the ridicule of being labeled weak. Accepting a traditional role in a relationship and making it work for you takes strong person with strong convictions. This is to me the sign of a stronger than average person with values and convictions that overshadow the strengths of those that would otherwise find fault.
You may live a traditional life with your partner and don’t even recongnize it for what it is. Consider the following things about yourself of your partner before you criticize the next time. You may find you are one of many that has or at least yearns for the safety, security and tranquility of a traditional life.
1. A dominant partner has the understanding that they are not perfect. Not even all you macho guys that think you are.
2. A Dominant has taken the time to accept his or her flaws as an individual, has come to terms with them, and determined how best to control and deal with them effectively.
3. A Dominant has come to realize that “proof” of his or her Dominance does not come from the person who calls him or her “the boss”, but rather from within themselves, by proof of their personality, ethics, standards, and values, combined with their particular needs within this spectrum.
4. Dominants accept they have a responsibility to themselves to inform as clearly as possible all things regarding issues arrising from a traditional lifestyle. They take the time to consider their needs as well as the needs of their partner and are able to clearly state those needs to their partner.
5. Life experiences teaches a dominant the importance of trust and respect in any relationship. They recognize this and understand that their partners cannot submit and give control to them unless they have the character that makes the worthy of this trust and respect.
6. A dominant partner always understand that before they can expect a submissive partner to give over control of their lives that the dominant partner must have total control over their own lives first.
7. Dominants accept and understand that fairness, honesty, character, integrity and consistency are not just words to be used to gain an advantage on a selective basis but they are concepts that represent the character of the dominant themselves.
If you recognize any of these personality traits in yourself or your partner, then you may be living a traditional lifestyle without realizing it. If not, you may find that you have the ingrediants to build your relationship into something to be envied by all. Consider this the next time you hear someone say, “We live a traditional lifestyle”. It will make you a better person for thinking before criticizing.
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