It is difficult to imagine a greater emotional pain to bear than that caused by an extramarital affair. The process of recovery involves three different factors, the two spouses and the marriage itself. When an affair occurs, it hurts not only the two people but also the relationship itself, and pain is experienced by both the betrayed spouse and the guilty party.
Recovering from an affair and making the relationship work requires struggle and patience. The basic foundation of the marriage is shaken when an affair takes place, but by taking certain steps, the relationship can be preserved. In order for this to happen, however, both husband and wife need to commit themselves to repairing their union.
During these dark times, it is helpful to think back to why your marriage was strong and happy to begin with. Try not to dwell on the recent episodes of betrayal and infidelity, and keep focusing on positive things. Remember why you were first attracted to your partner.
Then, once you have identified some happy memories, you need to try and pinpoint what happened to upset your marriage’s stability. In a happy and satisfied relationship, partners sometimes still cheat, but there are still certain factors that you can identify, so that you can fix the situation and prevent it from reoccurring.
In order for both husband and wife to recover from the affair, they need to show deep honesty about what events and emotions led to the problem. As you discuss these issues, try to use \”I\” statements instead of \”You\” statements; for example, rather than saying \”You make me feel bad when you do that\” try saying \”I feel bad when you do that.\” Take ownership of your emotions instead of just hurling accusations.
Part of showing deep honesty involves releasing all of the pain that you feel, instead of carrying grudges and unresolved emotions. To recover from the affair, it is important that both spouses examine their own core values, hopes, and dreams. Both spouses must also acknowledge the pain and anger that their partner is going through.
Recovery is also likely to need outside help to get an unbiased third party’s understanding on the dynamics of a broken marriage and to suggest ways to heal and to eventually restore trust. This can be a professional marriage counselor, a religious leader or pastor, or even a mutually trusted friend of both husband and wife. Getting a fresh view of what has happened can benefit both parties. When searching for such help, be sure to evaluate their experience with successful affair recovery.
Rebuilding trust after marital betrayal is not easy, but it is very possible! There was strength enough once to form a bond and create a family and drawing on that strength can make the difference. Neither party should minimize their hurt nor should they dwell too much on it. The past is unchangeable, but the couple must remember the future is open to all possibilities. Affair recovery is possible with the ability to look ahead and see a strong marriage that can endure a test.