The big bad wolf slyly put his arm around Little Red Riding Hood’s shoulders and handed her a spot of tea and romantically said, “I’m not a fair-weathered friend”.
Karley seemed surprised and angry at her own foolishness for falling for her latest boyfriends smooth lines. She was a sophisticated, well educated and and an attractive woman, not yet fifty years of age.
She had come into therapy distraught over her bad luck with dating men in her local area. This was not the first female patient that had expressed her disdain for the games that men play in the game of ‘internet dating’.
Perhaps more than many therapists, I address women’s perspectives on these issues not only of dating, but the new-age processes of Internet dating, sex and love. I am not convinced that the problem is specific to any specific locale (many of those interviewed for this article live nation wide). It seems that in our 21st century world of dating, these issues of the search for a soul-mate, lust, and the perfect partner run rampant and can happen from Peoria to Paris.
More often than not, women are complaining about several major repeated patterns of behavior seen in many of the men they have met. Listed below are the major offenders as stated by many of the women interviewed for purposes of this topic, intimacy, sex, and dating, or all of the above.
Here are a few things *not* to do when courting a potential soul-mate:
1. He swears you are the only one, but you find he spends a majority of his time on the Internet, at dating sites, telling others virtually (no pun intended) the same thing.
2. Men also lie about their age. The old wife’s tale was that it was “just women” and that was okay. It is not okay for either and it is a picture of things to come. If he will not tell you something truthful, as basic as his age, what is the next little lie?
3. Suddenly the conversation goes from little pleasantries and compliments to nonstop complaints about his ex. It is fairly clear she is not yet out of his head and soul if that is all he can talk about.
4. “A lot of allegedly mature males can’t even follow through. They take you on a date, tell you how crazy they are about you, and then don’t call back for a week, while doing Starbuck’s other women…. all the while having made a date with you for the upcoming weekend, and expecting you to be very excited and feel special about it.
OK…OK….OK…… I get the picture…… As a single woman myself, I have kissed my share of frogs. The key question here is…..WHY DO PEOPLE FAIL OUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM???? And that is exactly what they do, because we set ourselves up for these disappointments!!!!!! People are people are people……thats right….we are humans with human frailties. All of us make mistakes, and not only fail others but ourselves as well at times.
In our new cyber-world of “internet dating”……we as women have to be, …and by the way………this is not an if, or a maybe, but absolutely a mandate that we “MUST BE” vigilant in our survival instincts!!!!!!! In other words….you must be discerning in your choices and stand firm with them, no matter how smooth the talker is on the other end. If your instincts say this is wrong, then this *is* wrong.
Think of it this way…would you scatter your finances away haphazardly, or give away your most valued possessions to just any old person that passed your way. Of course not!!!!!!! Then I ask, why are we as women…so often giving away our most precious belonging….our essence and soul energy. Thats right…..your essence…..that which makes up the core of who you know yourself to be, including your sense of self, self-esteem, loving heart, physical life force, etc.
If the local men are acting like “he who dies with the most toys wins”…living their second childhoods all over again, why must we be susceptible to their fragile egos and acting out teenage acting-out?
The question that is posed to me daily regarding how to find the “perfect partner” is often raised, the answer lies in loving and respecting yourself-first. On the subject of sex, love and your body, you can never truly give to another, what you have not accepted for yourself. If you don’t have love for yourself, there is no real love to emit.
This type of self-awareness is not so elusive as you might think. It simply means that, ‘you are aware of what the boundaries and pitfalls of internet dating entails’. You’re give physical, energetic, emotional, mental, soul-level, and spiritual aspects of your being, while maneuvering through this cyber-space world of the dating and mating process. Why not guard against the dangerous curves in the road that are yet to come. And there will be some more.
In the final analysis, you are responsible for taking responsibility for your own safety and growth. So even if the big bad wolf…..slips you that slippery and rancid cup of tea, it is up to you to decide if you want to go down that path! As they say….”IF YOU DON’T STAND FOR SOMETHING….YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING….little Red Riding Hood