If your marriage is in trouble, it is important to consider overall the high cost of divorce, both financially or emotionally. Even if your marriage has suffered from an affair (one of the most common reasons for considering a divorce) it is possible to recover.
Taking apart a marriage is complicated, and the intense feelings involved make it much more so. Consider you and your spouse’s financial conditions if only one of you has been the wage earner, or if one is earning much more than the other, the financial change could be devastating.
In most cases, a divorce means maintaining two households and that is almost always much more expensive than a single residence. When children are involved, the choices in housing are more limited and more costly. In these days of high gas prices, commuting between two parents adds even more to the costs. Of course, being shuttled between two parents also puts undue stress on the children.
Make a true assessment of your situation and you should get a picture of the high cost of divorce financially and emotionally. Remember that child custody is not only a rocky and emotional issue for all involved, but that child support can be a financial nightmare for the parents.
Even if you don’t have kids, it can be difficult to divide the property and items acquired as a couple. Besides practical reasons for needing a particular item, there are also things that one of you might have sentimental attachments to. You might have to sell your formally shared home to fairly divide it, with not only the high cost of moving but the loss of a place where so many good family memories have occurred.
Money may be the reason for the split in the first place and seeing a financial counselor may be required to settle such issues as dividing debts. This type of help can even lead to saving the marriage where money is the big issue of dissent.
Since affairs are often the cause of a split, learning to heal from an infidelity may be a key to salvaging a relationship and avoiding the high cost of divorce, financially, or emotionally. Again, this often requires professional help. This can come from clergy at no expense, from family services that come on a sliding scale or from a private marriage counselor.
If you are the betrayed party, it is normal to be hurt by the affair. Don’t forget though, the same vows that pledged you both to fidelity also pledge you to sticking together in both good and bad times. It might help to take time to understand the \”whys\” of the affair. Remember, the cheater is a human being who makes mistakes (like we all do).
Besides all of the other costs of a divorce, there is also fact that you would be losing the identity of being a couple. This changes your social dynamic with friends and in activities. Even when you both want the divorce, it is common to become lonely and drift into relationships too quickly. Try to remember the good times, and put what is happening now into a farther perspective.
Divorce is expensive both financially and emotionally and in many cases can be avoided with the right help and the dedication to try to save the relationship. If divorce is inevitable, help from outside by experts may ease some of the financial and emotional pain. Being honest about the costs makes the decision clearer for both of you.