You have just found out that your spouse has had an affair. The pain, the sorrow, and maybe the anger consume you. It is all over you may think. This marriage, that you have worked years on, is at an end. The person you loved and trusted no longer feels the same for you. Why not stop, and think about it?
Though some might be inclined to run directly to a divorce attorney, there are reasons to stay married, even after an affair. Being human, it is very probable that even we have lusted after someone who is not our spouse at one time or another. We may have fantasized about a tryst, wondering what being intimate with someone else might be like. Unintentionally, you have perhaps flirted with of the people you’ve fantasized about. While it’s true that we are all human and make mistakes at times, it is from those very mistakes that we can learn the most.
When we learn from our mistakes, then our mistakes are not necessarily a bad thing. Even when the mistake has been an extramarital affair. Mistakes cause us to learn, to reach for something better, to step outside of our usual selves and grow. Growing through an affair together with our partner is possible. It may even make the marriage more durable, the partners more united.
Sometimes, as human beings, we don’t remember to think things through, and instead act hastily. Perhaps that is what brought about this affair. It doesn’t matter very much who is the one that wandered off into the arms of another person. What is important here is whether you and your partner have what it takes to survive this and become stronger and more unified as a result. Providing that the party that had the affair is honestly regretful, the marriage still can exist, and even better than before.
In trying to determine whether or not to end an affair, a good place to begin is asking oneself why they began the affair in the first place. What emotions encompassed the beginning of the affair? Do you feel guilty, and if so, why did you feel this guilt? There could be any number of reasons, including not wanting to end your marriage, not wanting to hurt your spouse, or perhaps, because you really do love your partner. Together, you have been building a marriage and a life.
Why stop your infidelity? This affair you have going is filled with excitement, intrigue and a sense of danger from the sneaking around. Is it really something that will last past those feelings? Is it a relationship that will stand the test of time? It wont, when those feelings are gone, the thrill of your relationship will be gone. You will want to crawl back to that strong rock, your spouse. Make the decision yourself before it is too late.
Another good reason to end the infidelity is because no one knows you like your spouse, the person you have lived with for years on end, who has seen you at your best and at your worst. Despite hard times, they have remained with you. They love you, and you still love them. This ugly dishonest relationship on the side is driving a wedge between the both of you. You need to stop it.
If you both have the strength and endurance to get past the affair, then you will survive. Your love for each other will grow deeper. You married each other for a reason and that is why you will stay married.